Ting Bu Dong – My Time in Shanghai

It was around Christmas when I received my Work Permit.

I had applied to teach in China a few months earlier, and the arrival of the Permit marked the end of a longwinded process. I emailed my recruiter in Beijing; he rang a few days later. "Oh, hey, we're going to need you here by the 6th," he said.

"The 6th? Of February?" I replied.

"No. January."

"Bu… That's next week!?"

"Haha….yeah…"

I hastily packed up my things and moved to Shanghai.

I taught English in the company's Adult Centre. There were a varied bunch of students, but they did have one thing in common; they all made more money than me. I taught designers, lawyers, and a lot of engineers. The most interesting job belonged to a student named Celine; she was a video game designer for Ubisoft Shanghai. Celine designed the crowds for the Assassin Creed series. Her excited giggle at my Ubisoft account made all those years of collecting UPlay points worthwhile.

Many students came to the centre daily, fitting English lessons around their demanding jobs. One such student was Renber. A jovial fellow, Renber was a singer, drama teacher, and actor. On stage, he sang Chinese versions of famous English songs. His reason for learning English was to get "closer to his art." Despite being the most accomplished man in the building, Renber was incredibly humble and attentive, especially when he took advice from this rookie teacher.

Renber hosted a special singing lesson one Saturday in the centre. I learned the most valuable lesson in all my time in China, how to sing from your nose. Renber brought over one of his pupils who sang an impromptu rendition of I Dreamed a Dream. There was very little English taught that evening.

My view from the office

The internet situation in China has been well documented. "VPN" is a commonly thrown around term between ex-pats. Even worse than the lack of RedTube is the internet speed in the country. It was so slow; it left me pining for the days of dial-up. To occupy my time, I turned to the CRT TV in my room. Thankfully, the hotel had HBO Asia, which played non-stop movies. I finally saw Mean Girls and immediately understood 80% of Buzzfeed.

In contrast to the broadband, China's mobile internet speed is remarkable and somehow works underground on the Metro. The Chinese have an extra special, Joaquin-Phoenix-in-Her love affair with their phones. It's commonplace to see whole train carriages staring intently at their mobiles. Multiple times, I witnessed diminutive Chinese girls dart past bodies on busy platforms with cat-like reflexes, all the while still glued to their phones.

China's smartphone obsession sometimes gets in the way of their jobs. During a cab ride back, our cabbie would pick up his mobile every time he got to a stoplight to watch a movie. He would grumble whenever the light turned green. All that pesky driving got in the way of the newest 2 Broke Girls.

I mostly stuck to the Metro even though the service closed ridiculously early; most services would shut by 23:00. Getting onto the platform was also a hassle. There were security checkpoints at each train station; all bags had to be put through a scanner. However, the only people who placed their bags on the scanner were nervous foreigners like me; the vast majority just walked on by. Despite these grumbles, the service did always run on time, and the price converted from CY to GBP is 30p for one journey. Londoners, I'll let you catch your breath.

Shanghai is truly an international city, which is a fancy way of saying, "You don't have to speak Chinese here." I met many Westerners living in Shanghai for several years despite possessing only 'Survival Chinese.' In my first few days in the country, I picked up two essential phrases: "Ni Hao" and Mi Fan." "Hello" and "Rice."

The only time my erm…' lack' of Chinese proved a problem was when a scruffy man on The Metro asked me for directions. I was boggled why this crusty was asking me, considering there was a train full of people who were far more qualified. I later learned from a local that this man was messing with me, and that is a common joke played on foreigners. Afterwards, I added a new phrase to my collection: "Ting bu dong." "I don't understand."

All of those papers were Sherpa's bills

After the honeymoon period ended and I craved western food, Sherpa's was there. Sherpas is Shanghai's biggest delivery service (identical to JustEat in England) with a full English language version of their website. My favourite place to order from Sherpas was called Mr Pancake House. One of the only places that served an all-day English Breakfast, I shamelessly ordered from Mr Pancake's multiple times a week.

Restaurants were a bit dicey; many have menus with English translations. When they didn't, I would point-and-pray. The most bizarre food I ended up eating was a frog (tasted like chicken), which I know of.

Booze is outrageously cheap. A Tsingtao bottle is 5 CY (around 50p) at a convenience store, and the bottle size is twice that of regular western containers. Expat bars, though, are to be avoided. The cost of a drink in these places is high, even for London standards. One bar that does get my approval is Demarcia. My fellow rookie teachers and I stumbled upon this place on our second night. Located near Jiao Tong University, Demarcia blares out mid-noughties hip-hop and serves cheap drinks. My first visit happened to be Free Beer Night. That's right. Free. Beer. For one hour only and the offer only applied to the cheapest beer (Tsingtao). But still. Free. Beer.

This suave statue was to commemorate the Year of The Sheep

I never got to branch out and see the 'real China.' Instead, I quickly got engrossed in teaching; Shanghai (and China) just became the backdrop. It was both the most challenging and most rewarding job I've ever had. The biggest compliment I got was after I wrapped an hour lesson. A bemused student chimed, "It's over already?!"

After leaving China, I took the short plane ride to Tokyo, fulfilling one of my lifelong dreams. But that's another story for another time.